(But Not in the Way You Think.)
We’re quick to blame the difficult boss, the emotionally unavailable coworker, or the team that just can’t seem to “get it.”
But what if the first leadership move isn’t fixing them—it’s taking a closer look at you?
Not because you’re the problem.
But because you’re the starting point.
True leadership—at work, at home, anywhere—starts with self-awareness.
You can’t lead others well if you don’t understand how you show up.
You can’t shape culture if you’re not willing to examine the patterns you’re bringing into every space you walk into.
The version of you that shows up when no one’s watching will eventually shape how you lead when everyone is.
We like to pretend we can compartmentalize our lives.
But the truth is, your truest self always leaks through.
You can’t fix what’s happening at work without looking at who you are underneath the role. The title. The polished version you show the world.
Because that version may be holding it together on the outside—but real transformation only happens when you’re willing to do the work within.
Leadership Starts Within
Self-leadership isn’t a buzzword—it’s the foundation for everything else.
It’s the willingness to look in the mirror before pointing the finger.
It’s choosing reflection over reaction.
It’s asking “What part of this do I own?” even when it would be easier to just blame the system, the team, or the timing.
The most impactful leaders aren’t the ones with perfect teams. They’re the ones who’ve done the inner work.
They’ve learned to stop outsourcing responsibility for how they show up.
And in doing so, they’ve created cultures where others feel safe to do the same.
This kind of leadership doesn’t mean you never get frustrated or make mistakes.
It just means you’ve stopped pretending the solution is always out there.
You’ve learned that lasting, culture-shifting, relationship-repairing change starts on the inside.
Patterns Don’t Lie—But They Can Be Changed
Not long ago, I worked with a leader who was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
Her team, she said, just wasn’t stepping up.
“They don’t take ownership. I feel like I’m carrying everything.”
But as we peeled back the layers, something else became clear:
She was stepping in before her team ever had the chance to.
Driven by a fear of failure—and a deep sense of personal responsibility—she was unintentionally micromanaging every decision. She followed up constantly, took over projects halfway through, and felt exhausted trying to hold it all together.
What she didn’t realize was that her team had learned not to step up… because she hadn’t left space for them to.
Her words said, “I want ownership.”
But her actions said, “I don’t trust you to handle it.”
It wasn’t that she was the problem.
She was simply repeating a pattern that had gone unchecked for years—one that started with good intentions, but ended in burnout and disconnection.
Once she saw the pattern, everything shifted.
She learned to let go, to communicate expectations more clearly, and to tolerate the discomfort of not jumping in right away.
And her team? They rose to the challenge.
They started owning more, stepping in, and working as a team instead of waiting for direction.
When you change how you show up, everything around you has the chance to grow.
Your Influence Starts With You
So here’s the real invitation:
What’s one situation you’ve been blaming on someone else—where, if you’re honest, it might actually be your own behavior keeping you stuck?
Maybe it’s how you shut down in hard conversations.
Or how you avoid giving feedback because it feels too risky.
Maybe it’s the way you take over when you’re afraid things won’t go perfectly.
Whatever it is, name it—not with shame, but with honesty.
Because the moment you name it, you reclaim the power to change it.
You don’t have to fix everything all at once.
But you do have to be willing to go first.
That’s where leadership really begins.
Not with control.
Not with authority.
But with the courage to lead from within.
It’s not them. It’s you. And that’s exactly where transformation begins.