When Following the Lord Brings Unexpected Struggles

Several years ago, my life got flipped upside down. Instead of just floundering around in life, wondering why nothing ever went my way, I found myself suddenly on fire for God. Everything in my life was centered on Him. My decisions were based on how the outcomes would affect my walk with Him. I sought out ways to serve Him and continually seek Him. In June of 2016, my husband and I were water baptized–a symbol of our renewed vow to serve the Lord and live for Him. We loved being at church. We loved hosting and leading small groups. We knew there were so many things happening in our lives that were so divine and ordained by God.

Go into all the world…

We were all-in for whatever adventure the Lord had for us! Starting in 2019, we knew God was calling us to “move” and to “go” and not stay comfortable where we were. It was difficult to understand. We had built a beautiful home and were on our way to being debt free (all by His grace and guidance). We were really loving life–except for one thing. There was still this deep longing for something but we couldn’t understand it. “Go,” we kept hearing and seeing everywhere. “Go into all the world.”

We couldn’t explain this odd longing to leave everything we knew and loved so dearly. But, we dug in deep, seeking the Lord for His will. We prayed for Him to take us anywhere He needed us. We vowed together in prayer that we would do anything for Him. Anything!

“He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.“

Mark 16:15 (NIV)

And so here we are. We went. I was offered a job in Germany for 3 years. Amazing! We had great hopes and dreams for the impact we would have here. Small groups in our home! Changing lives! Leading people to Freedom! But, God had other plans.

And then the world shuts down…

Before we even left town, my husband said, “this will be a great reset for us.” Reset. Oh how that word is ringing true more than we ever imagined. In less than two months after arriving, Germany went into a full lockdown because of COVID-19. We had not even moved into our rental house yet. We were in a temporary furnished apartment with only the clothes we brought in our suitcases. Our refrigerator was the size we put in a dorm room back in the states–quite a challenge for a family of 5. We had just barely figured out the most basic things about living here when our everything just stopped.

After 3 months, we finally moved into a rental house, acquired a larger fridge, and got all of our familiar household goods. A few restrictions were lifted over the summer and we were able to venture out a little bit. But it wouldn’t be long before restaurants and everything closed again and life would once again come to a screeching halt. Work (from home), school (from home), grocery shopping once a week, repeat. No visits from family as planned. No festivals, no Christmas markets, no German cultural events, no church, no friends, no making an impact for the Kingdom. For a long time, we couldn’t even travel more than 10km from our home (now it’s 100).

This is so not what we thought God had in mind when he said, “go into all the world.” We know, without a doubt, He led us here. He brought us to this place….to reset. But just not in the way we had imagined.

And quite honestly, it’s been very hard being isolated from our loved ones while not even having the opportunity to make friends or join a church family. Staying positive takes all the energy I have on most days. But I do try! (The gray, gloomy days don’t help either!)

He watches over our path…

A precious friend checked in on me yesterday and spoke what she felt the Lord was saying for her to tell me. (What an amazing treasure to have friends like this!) And here’s what happened…

She said, “this is like a reset…”! WHAT? I stopped her because that word zinged my Spirit. Reset. Wow–we have said that word so many times in the last year. Indeed, this is a reset on so many levels.

She told me to write again. I got a little emotional. I shared how I had been feeling the nudge to write, but felt so uninspired and just not my old self. I was so used to writing as a strong person who helps and encourages others–not someone who is struggling. And she encouraged me to write anyway. (So I’m doing it!)

She also said she had a verse she felt like God wanted me to hear. “The Lord watches over the path of the Godly.” (Psalm 1:6a) That is when the tears started really flowing. It was as though Jesus just gave me a giant hug. He sees me. He knows my struggles. He knows we are way outside of our comfort zone here in Germany–in the middle of a pandemic. And he is guiding us and knows every detail of this path we are on. We don’t have to understand. We just have to trust Him and believe that His plans are good–His path is good. We only need to follow the voice of our Shepherd.

Looking for the positives…

Although we are not changing the world and leading others to Jesus here like we thought we would be doing, this reset has enabled us to rest in His presence. After all, it’s not about us, right? (We forget that sometimes…) Instead of encouraging others to seek Him, we are back to desperately seeking Him ourselves. And although it feels like things are falling apart, He is really just putting us back together–resetting our hearts.

This reset has truly been amazing in so many ways. We are 100% debt free. Six years ago, we had multiple credit cards, a mortgage we couldn’t afford, two ridiculous car payments, a student loan, and were basically just miserable people. Our financial journey started with the faith to tithe and trust God with the rest. And here were are–by selling our house to come here, we paid off our last debt and put back some money for a down payment on a house when we return. We are halfway around the world and saving money instead of having to hand it over to debt collectors as soon as it comes in. We can only attribute that to God’s faithfulness!

We are resetting our bodies by eating better. We can’t go to restaurants and the delivery options got old in a hurry. So, a “gut reset” was in order. We’ve lost weight, we’re feeling so much better, and we’re learning that we actually like a lot more vegetables than we thought. (Brussel sprouts! Delicious!) 😉

Most importantly, we have been challenged to reset our values and recognize all the things we truly love and miss from home. Simple things, like a large enough sink to wash a pan, “American” sized refrigerators, a washing machine large enough to wash a comforter–or even just a full load of clothes, wide enough roads to fit two cars at once (we’ve already repaired a side mirror), air conditioning, ice, weekly trash pickup, Mexican food, kids being able to play sports, and Southern hospitality are a few of the basic things we realize we should have appreciated more.

But, the big things that we took for granted are the ones we think about the most. Being close to family and friends is now more important than ever. We desperately miss our church and the community we had there. I long for the day I’ll get to stand and worship with other believers at church again! I miss Christian music on the radio. (If you haven’t been here, you may not know that local stations do not censor the music, so you’ll be cruising along and f***! I don’t think it will ever stop surprising me!) We look forward to the day hosting a small group is an honor and a privilege again.

It only takes a spark…

Our souls are longing for that same fire we once had. But we have to remember that the fire did not go out completely. He is still with us. The spark is all we need! We used to sing a song at church camp that said,

“It only takes a spark to get a fire going. And soon all those around can warm up in it’s glowing. That’s how it is with God’s love–once you experience it–you spread His love to everyone, you want to pass it on.”

I’m so grateful for a God who always chases after “the one.” We are each so valuable and precious to Him. He has given us this opportunity to reset and grow closer to Him. He has sent precious friends to speak life and encouragement to us at just the right times. He has reminded me that He is with me. He is preparing the way. And none of this time here “in the world” will be wasted. Thank you, Lord, for continuing to do a great work in me! It may not be easy right now, but the spark is still glowing!

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